I’m single but I find myself loving a man who is poly. He told me on our first conversation that he was poly and I still chose to continue to see him. Now I love him, we have sex and he said it’s okay if I have sex with other people but I can’t do…
Author: GoddessofJava
Reminder: You Don’t Have to Do It
A friend asked me to repost this: I’ve been watching on several polyamory boards to see people trying to make themselves okay with being in polyamorous relationships. I’ve seen descriptions of people feeling like their hearts are being ripped out. I’ve seen descriptions of people wanting to curl into a ball and cry while their…
Yeah, I Ask This All The Time
My US readers… You know what’s on the line. If you’re on the fence about whether or not to go vote, please… I’m begging you. Show up. Vote. If you’re worried about being harassed at the polls, copy down the relevant number for your state, but please please vote.
Use What You Know as a Force for Good
I want everyone who has been practicing polyamory for more than a couple of years to give their lives some thought. Y’all’ve been doing safer sex, right? You all know how disease vectors work. If your partner is exposed to an STD, then you and everyone you’re involved with is also exposed, right? You understand…
ASK THE MISANTHROPE: Age Gap
I find myself struggling with an age gap. The gap between my husband of 11yrs (together for 20+) and myself is not insubstantial; he’s almost more a contemporary of my parents than my peers, though not quite. But the gap between him and his girlfriend of 2 years is enough for healthy biological grandparenthood, and…
I Hate the Way My Metamour Treats my Partner!
What do you do when you hate the way a partner’s partner treats them? This is a tough one. On the one hand, you love your partner, and of course, you want everyone to treat your partner well, right? On the other hand, your partner is a grown-ass adult* and needs to make their own…
Captain Awkward Writes a Great One
Captain Awkward just wrote an amazing article that really analyzes money, money inequity and how to deal in partnerships. The Letter Writer has a somewhat unusual situation, but wow, the analysis really fires on all cylinders. It is merciful but still talks about Good Boundaries. Please go read: Partner with Lots of Expenses and Little…
It’s Not Up to You
Hello, my husband and I have been with our partner only about three months she’s 21 and lives with family. Her family is now making her choose whether or not to be with us or them. We love her and want her to be with us, but I don’t feel right asking her to choose…
Maybe You’re an Asshole
Once again, I’ve gotten a flood of letters that seem to be on a specific theme. Been married awhile, guy announces he’s polyamorous, then… Well, emotionally and/or physically disappears. Doesn’t hang out with the kids, insists the wife entertains other loves because That’s How Polyamory is Done (reality check: it isn’t), starts screwing up the…
Ask, Be Truthful, Verify
You know how assumptions about what the other person is feeling can be a problem? The Prince and I have had some of the worst negative emotional escalations because we were reacting to perceived emotional states rather than actual ones. I mean really bad. Potentially relationship-ending bad. We made a deal about ten years ago:…