You know how assumptions about what the other person is feeling can be a problem? The Prince and I have had some of the worst negative emotional escalations because we were reacting to perceived emotional states rather than actual ones. I mean really bad. Potentially relationship-ending bad. We made a deal about ten years ago:…
Category: Communication
I Didn’t Mean It!
I have screwed up in one of my relationships. I said (well wrote) something idiotic and have destroyed someone’s enjoyment of a reasonably harmless pleasure. The Prince used to like diet Dr. Pepper. I don’t like it, and I said I didn’t like it. That, in fact, it kind of yucked me out. What I’d…
Three Sure-Fire Ways to Build Trust
I’ve read a few comments from some people going polyamorous lately — specifically people whose partners are starting new relationships, and I am noticing a trend that is so very easily fixable that I just have a write an article about it. You see, they agree to something, then they tie themselves in knots to…
Closeted and Grief
I got a letter recently from a person in a polyamorous relationship who had lost a partner. Due to financial considerations, the relationship was closeted. This is probably one of the biggest reasons I want to see polyamory as an open and accepted relationship form without repercussions. There’s not much more tragic than losing a…
You Have Rights in Relationships
I’d like to ask your advice – I am having some trouble getting over a break-up and wondering how to move forward. Basically, I was seeing a guy for a few months. We had spoken the first time we saw each other about our other lovers, and I understood he had a Domme he saw…
Six Rules for Difficult Polyamorous Conversations
Even in the best of relationships, sometimes you’ll need to have a difficult conversation. Maybe you need to tell a partner something you are pretty sure they’re not going to like very much. Maybe you need to bring up a subject that, even if you’re going to get emotional support, still kind of throws you…
It’s Not Up to You
Hello, my husband and I have been with our partner only about three months she’s 21 and lives with family. Her family is now making her choose whether or not to be with us or them. We love her and want her to be with us, but I don’t feel right asking her to choose…
Not for Personal Growth
This is a letter from a reader, but is long enough I want to intersperse my answers by paragraph. In a previous post addressing jealousy and abandonment issues, you said the real question is, “Am I happy in polyamorous relationships?” I’ve been struggling with that question, and I wanted to ask another in response to…
You Can’t Fuck Your Way to Good Self-Esteem
I’m new to polyamoury and I guess I’m into the “kid in a candy store” phase. I’ve been calling it “balls to the wall poly” and “punch drunk Poly”… I’m worried about my attentions, how to split them respectfully, what kind of etiquette I should be following, whether or not I should be having lots…
NRE for Everyone!
You’re in a happy triad. You and your partners do date from time to time, but for the most part, you have a stable, well-run home. Your routine is down pat. You all know your roles in the home and relationship, calendars get updated properly and everything is moving along as smoothly as a bullet…