Once again, I’ve gotten a flood of letters that seem to be on a specific theme. Been married awhile, guy announces he’s polyamorous, then… Well, emotionally and/or physically disappears. Doesn’t hang out with the kids, insists the wife entertains other loves because That’s How Polyamory is Done (reality check: it isn’t), starts screwing up the…
Category: rant
Why Are You Bothering?
A letter I got recently and a question I was asked in another forum really got me to thinking. The question was: How did you come to realize that polyamorous relationships were right for you? Now that you live this lifestyle, do you think that it’s for everyone or more “natural” than monogamy? I answered:…
Polyamory Can’t Come From Cheating
I’ve been getting several letters that looks like this lately: Dear Polyamorous Misanthrope, My husband has had an affair and now wants to have a polyamorous relationship. She is pregnant, and wants him to live with her. How do I get over my jealousy and stop being so inadequate as a wife? Any poly person…
Monogamy is Not Weakness
I was asked to answer question in an online forum and I could not resist making it a column. Is wanting monogamy a sign of insecurity or weakness? Is wanting to be in a monogamous relationship not only unrealistic but a sign of low self-esteem and fear of abandonment or is wanting and striving for…
Just a Curiosity
I need some help. I am new to the world of poly, in fact I would go as far as saying it’s just a curiosity. But I have kind of put myself in an awkward situation now. I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. We have been together for just over 6 months….
Participating in Cheating
I am a woman who is a solo polyamorist. I experienced a painful break-up with a FWB over a year ago, and I took it very hard (I have never taken this long to get over a break-up before), so I’ve been a poly without any relationships for a long time. Over the past six…
Don’t Treat People as Things
I reposted Secondary Clarity on Tumblr yesterday, and got a very interesting response. I thought it was actually worth a column. The original post was mostly the following graphic written by a couple of buddies of mine who have been poly a looonnnngg time and have Learned Stuff. After posting it, I was asked: As…
More on Consent
I ran across some utter nimrod spouting the “Consent is HARRRD” whine in a new and gloriously idiotic way. The assertion? “Women like it when a man takes charge, therefore they don’t like being asked for their consent. It turns them off.” *facepalm* Dewd, are you really that unimaginative an idiot? First off, not all…
How to Teach Your Sons About Consent*
Me: Good morning, son. Pop quiz. What constitutes consent? Son: A clear, unambiguous yes. Me: What does unambiguous mean? Son: Loud and clear with no fudging. Me: Good. Do you know why I am asking you this? Son: Because of that scene in Pirate Radio? Me: (Blinks a minute, because my mind was on the…
You Can’t Fuck Your Way to Good Self-Esteem
I’m new to polyamoury and I guess I’m into the “kid in a candy store” phase. I’ve been calling it “balls to the wall poly” and “punch drunk Poly”… I’m worried about my attentions, how to split them respectfully, what kind of etiquette I should be following, whether or not I should be having lots…