A letter I got recently and a question I was asked in another forum really got me to thinking. The question was: How did you come to realize that polyamorous relationships were right for you? Now that you live this lifestyle, do you think that it’s for everyone or more “natural” than monogamy? I answered:…
I Didn’t Mean It!
I have screwed up in one of my relationships. I said (well wrote) something idiotic and have destroyed someone’s enjoyment of a reasonably harmless pleasure. The Prince used to like diet Dr. Pepper. I don’t like it, and I said I didn’t like it. That, in fact, it kind of yucked me out. What I’d…
Three Sure-Fire Ways to Build Trust
I’ve read a few comments from some people going polyamorous lately — specifically people whose partners are starting new relationships, and I am noticing a trend that is so very easily fixable that I just have a write an article about it. You see, they agree to something, then they tie themselves in knots to…
Polyamory Can’t Come From Cheating
I’ve been getting several letters that looks like this lately: Dear Polyamorous Misanthrope, My husband has had an affair and now wants to have a polyamorous relationship. She is pregnant, and wants him to live with her. How do I get over my jealousy and stop being so inadequate as a wife? Any poly person…
Closeted and Grief
I got a letter recently from a person in a polyamorous relationship who had lost a partner. Due to financial considerations, the relationship was closeted. This is probably one of the biggest reasons I want to see polyamory as an open and accepted relationship form without repercussions. There’s not much more tragic than losing a…
You Have Rights in Relationships
I’d like to ask your advice – I am having some trouble getting over a break-up and wondering how to move forward. Basically, I was seeing a guy for a few months. We had spoken the first time we saw each other about our other lovers, and I understood he had a Domme he saw…
Monogamy is Not Weakness
I was asked to answer question in an online forum and I could not resist making it a column. Is wanting monogamy a sign of insecurity or weakness? Is wanting to be in a monogamous relationship not only unrealistic but a sign of low self-esteem and fear of abandonment or is wanting and striving for…
Six Rules for Difficult Polyamorous Conversations
Even in the best of relationships, sometimes you’ll need to have a difficult conversation. Maybe you need to tell a partner something you are pretty sure they’re not going to like very much. Maybe you need to bring up a subject that, even if you’re going to get emotional support, still kind of throws you…
Three Reasons Why Self-Knowledge is Crucial in Polyamory*
While bad boundaries are certainly the worst issue I see when we’re looking at polyamorous issues, I think poor self-knowledge is also another serious roadblock when you’re trying to have great polyamorous relationships. My blog, and several others, tend to hammer away at things like being honest about your feelings, learning to communicate well and…
The Five Unbreakable Rules That Make Polyamory Work
Okay, mah poly children. Grandmama Java (my granddaughter was born Monday) wants to roll it back to some basics for making polyamory work. If you practice these five rules, you will have great relationships, and you will find that things work better for you. One caveat. It will not fix someone else breaking these rules,…